Your Super Bowl Alternatives - #2. Major League Eating (Spike TV)

It used to be the the MLE stood for the mid-level exception, the contracts generally awarded to crappy, mid-tier NBA veterans on salary rich teams. No longer. Finally, the sports world has found an event worthy of the prestigious 2-consonant, 1-vowel MLE combination. Behold, Major League Eating.

Since Spike's Thanksgiving based Turkey Bowl eating contest, the network has somehow (brilliantly?) linked gluttony and football. Riding on the coattails of the big game, the MLE will broadcast only during halftime of the Super Bowl, forcing you to choose between which is less disgusting:

Joey Chestnut
or
Tom Petty

It's a tough decision by any stretch. While Petty's music is a slice of Americana, Chestnut is responsible for bringing the mustard belt back to the U.S. I dare you to watch the following video without feeling a pulsing surge of patriotism. In all likelihood, this is why the terrorists hate us.

During the Super Bowl, they'll be eating (green?) eggs and ham, which should result in some awesome reversals. Without the Lingerie Bowl, it is looking like the front-runner to capture the lonely guy halftime market, along with the impressionable-youth-fat-kid market.

One can hope for a merger down the road with the Puppy Bowl producers, as we watch Takeru Kobayashi and Eric "Badlands" Booker chase down and then sloppily devour small animals. Gumbercules, if you could make a photoshop for this that would be exceptional.

Target Audience: Fatties, lonely men, Dr. Seuss.