Aluminum Gold: Volume Three - Regional Beers

Iron City - Ah, a taste of Pittsburgh. They’ve even put it in aluminum bottles to make it more authentic. Just like the city, it peaked in the 1970s, but still can entice naive college students with its aesthetic qualities. It carries on a rich tradition of being unable to let go of the past. Unlike Pittsburgh, it tastes a lot like carbonated butter. The perfect beer for watching a 10-1 Pirates loss.

Rating: Defeated.

Genesee Cream Ale - A product of the Genesee River in upstate New York, Genesee Cream Ale is a direct effect of what pollution has done to America’s waterways. Evidently, cream is one of those words that have different meanings in different places because I could have sworn that I tasted soap, but no sign of anything "creamy".

Rating: Mislabeled.

Sam Adams Light - What a time to live in Boston. They come out with Sam Adams Light, and then immediately the Red Sox and Patriots start bringing home titles. They produce a new Summer Ale and Kevin Garnett gets traded to the Celtics. In fact, rumor has is that the Patriots Super Bowl XLII loss is directly related to the failure of a Sam Adams raspberry hefeweizen beer that was labeled "even too gay for New England." Maybe if they come out with a low-carb beer alternative Dispatch will get back together. Then what will those assholes have to complain about? Huh?

Rating: Pretentious.

Old Style - The official beer of the Chicago Cubs. See Iron City.

Rating: Historically defeated.












Sierra Nevada Pale Ale - About as regional nowadays as Sam Adams, this is just a fucking mean, bitter IPA. This is the beer you drink and then lie about how good it tastes through locked teeth to look cool in front of your friends. "Sierra Nevada? I put that shit on my corn flakes, bro!" Of course, the bottle design is cool and it's available for relatively cheap almost anywhere, so both yuppies and hipsters alike can enjoy it. Congratulations Sierra Nevada, you're the new Michelob!

Rating: Pass me another Sierra, bro, I'm too drunk ride my bike to the hookah bar.