Eli Manning to Tiki Barber: HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW?!

Great game. For this past Super Bowl we got a great defensive matchup for most of the game then the two offenses picked apart each other's defense methodically in a thrilling last quarter. Tom Brady engineered his game winning drive with a story-book ending touchdown pass to Randy Moss in the corner with less than 3 minutes to play. Unfortunately their defense couldn't hold and Manning put together one of the best one-upper's in SB history. It was great to watch. That not withstanding, the pass from Manning to David Tyree was a prayer. If that gets picked and the Giants lose Manning gets railroaded for breaking under the pressure and regressing to old Eli's ill-advised throws into coverage when it counted. So it goes. Manning's elusiveness on that play was amazing but he threw a jump ball. It went his way. Good for him. The Pats can now enjoy being the second team to finish a season 18-1, but the first among them to NOT win the Super Bowl. Does this mean SportsCenter is going to be looping clips of Mercury Morris rapping about how his now 35 years gone Dolphins are still the best? Why do people insist on paying attention to an annoying, senile, old man?

Your Super Bowl Alternatives - #2. Major League Eating (Spike TV)

It used to be the the MLE stood for the mid-level exception, the contracts generally awarded to crappy, mid-tier NBA veterans on salary rich teams. No longer. Finally, the sports world has found an event worthy of the prestigious 2-consonant, 1-vowel MLE combination. Behold, Major League Eating.

Since Spike's Thanksgiving based Turkey Bowl eating contest, the network has somehow (brilliantly?) linked gluttony and football. Riding on the coattails of the big game, the MLE will broadcast only during halftime of the Super Bowl, forcing you to choose between which is less disgusting:

Joey Chestnut
or
Tom Petty

It's a tough decision by any stretch. While Petty's music is a slice of Americana, Chestnut is responsible for bringing the mustard belt back to the U.S. I dare you to watch the following video without feeling a pulsing surge of patriotism. In all likelihood, this is why the terrorists hate us.

During the Super Bowl, they'll be eating (green?) eggs and ham, which should result in some awesome reversals. Without the Lingerie Bowl, it is looking like the front-runner to capture the lonely guy halftime market, along with the impressionable-youth-fat-kid market.

One can hope for a merger down the road with the Puppy Bowl producers, as we watch Takeru Kobayashi and Eric "Badlands" Booker chase down and then sloppily devour small animals. Gumbercules, if you could make a photoshop for this that would be exceptional.

Target Audience: Fatties, lonely men, Dr. Seuss.