Thanks Bill Cosby.

Pictured: Certain virginity, bitter nights of bunk-bed dry humping

Bill Cosby, in an act of benevolence which will surely erupt in a flamewar on some chat room, donated a live Terrier to become Carnegie Mellon University's first living mascot. And now, the university is giving students the chance to name the poor dog. Why Cosby would give a live animal to a university he has no affiliation to is still unknown, but it's rumored that the dog contains smallpox and the Philadelphia native is attempting to systematically destroy Pittsburgh.

None of this would be so bad, but the four naming options available to the public (alumni evidently are not invited) are:

• Andy/Andi
• Skibo
• Scotty/Scottie
• Heart

along with with a grassroots movement to name the dog Chia, after a student whose parents presumably hate him soooooo much. I'm not sure that I could have thought of four worse names for a dog. They might as well be pestilence, war, famine, and death.

In our efforts to help out the one time Sugar Bowl participants (1939 - TCU 15, Carnegie Tech 7; TCU was awarded an additional 8 points after Sammy Baugh boxed and defeated an Australian kangaroo for his alma mater) we've come up with our own names for candidacy, which we feel will be a better fit for the university.

• St. Anger
• Asian kid
• Asperger's
• Virgin
• Kid Loneliness
• Creeping Death
• Uni-wheel, the dog that unicycles to class EVERY DAY
• Compulsive Masterbator
• Pokemon
• Butterface
• Antisocial failure
• Belligerence
  

Feel free to vote or write in your own in the comments section. We'll have a final verdict in the coming days. Also, feel free to comment on the fact that a school filled with Korean kids is adopting a live dog as its mascot. You don't see Wisconsin carrying a glazed ham to all their games. Just sayin'.

Country fry that and we'll talk, Wisconsin.